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• the boy and i still going strong and strongly going.
• plans to move to NY are on the horizon .... i still can't see it, but they're there.
• am in the 4th week of my last quarter at CSULA - cap and gown purchased, cute shoes to match.
• claire loves LA, she doesn't want to move. i don't live through my cat.... i wish through her.
• gossip girl was all new this week ... just something that made me happy.
• new roommate is better than the last. the last one.. ugh, now his ugly mug is in my head.
• my first paper is due in a few hours.... i haven't started.... lemme...

[	Tags	|	gramma, todd	]
[	Current Location	|	work	]
[	mood	|	excited	]

i am totally giddy with excitement as the bf will be here in SIX HOURS.  i haven't seen him since november which seems like ages ago given all the dramatics having occured in my life since then. 

i was on the bus yesterday en route to gramma's and this lady sat next to me in the aisle seat. i usually pay no heed to other passengers as they're usually annoying and try to take up more than their share of seat, but the lady who sat next to  me rested her hands up on the backside of the seat in front of her. when i caught a glimpse of them i felt my eyes tear up.  her hands were exactly like my gramma's, like EXACTLY.  she was the perfect shade of brown and wore a gold bracelet on her right wrist just like my gramma.  i kept stealing glances, making sure her face never entered my vision because just for a second i imagined my gramma next to me and those few moments were so good. so much so that i had to fight the urge to reach out and touch her.  i sat there, next to the window and like a crazy person was conjuring up "accidental" ways that my hand could graze hers.  i didn't work up the nerve to do it, but if given the chance again i'm totally taking it.  yeah, it sounds incredibly silly but i can't even begin to explain how happy my heart was to see those hands.

the last time i saw todd my gramma was still alive. i'd like to rewind and press pause and just savor the feeling of that weekend.

and the countdown continues....

quick note:  i filed my taxes on january 28th and my bank account was credited $302 (my state return) on february 5th.  it hadn't occured to me that state taxes have nothing to do with federal taxes so my state refund was credited to me not them.  suffice to say that this month's IRS payment will be $302 (although every ounce in me is saying, "yay! romantic get away!" -- SHUT UP, me!).  point of this, is that the turn around was WAY fast.  i usually wait a couple of months to file, but since the IRS socks me in the stomach with interest and penatly fees every month i figured it would be best to knock the filing out and get my IRS debt decreased (slightly.  VERY slightly) a little sooner.  anyhow, it was super easy for me since my filing status remains exactly the same as  when i was 17 (translation: still no kids, still not married, still not making more than supermarket check out clerk). 1040EZ. easy? very.

[	Tags	|	iou's, old age, todd	]
[	Current Location	|	work	]
[	mood	|	good	]

went to the paul weller show last night and found myself yawning midway through the show.  i wasn't bored, i'm just old. my body needs to be in bed at 10pm on monday nights.  i know this, my body knows this, yet i was at the avalon last night in an attempt to do something fun.  i lose.  in the end all i kept thinking was, "i should not have spent $50 on this."  damage done.

i thought about going to coachella this year for approximately 5 minutes.  i got over it.  shows aren't worth it anymore.  i told this to todd this morning. he agreed and said you have to be in the mood.  i disagree with that as my theory is you have to be young. i have to be young. 

todd is going to be here TOMORROW.  i can't wait. i can complain about everything in person and not just over the phone. he listens and sides with me even if i'm being irrational.  he's also made a life long promise that i never have to cook.  he was sleep talking when he made said promise, but i am holding him to it.  tomorrow i'm making him dinner though, but that's only because i want to bring him straight home from the airport with no stops for food. 

february is short. too short. rent is going to be due again too soon. several friends owe me money and last week i worked up the courage to debt collect.  i called a friend who owes me $302.  she said she can't pay me until she gets her tax return.  same with my mom who owes me $200.  my cousin (owes me $107) said he can pay me when he gets paid which is two fridays from now. i felt like fucking damone in fast times at ridgemont high, you know the part when he's trying to get money together to help stacy pay for an abortion.  the part when everyone tells him they don't have it and he realizes he's fucked.  yeah, that part.  there are some people i haven't worked up the courage to ask.  i mean, why should i have to ask? why do people who borrow money make you ask? was it not embarrassing enough to have to borrow money from someone who doesn't make that much in the first place? do they intentionally forget? also, i resent the fact that i don't have parents i can borrow money from. like, not even gas money.  i mean, they've failed in every other aspect of parenthood, why not shell out some money and buy my love? instead i have a mom who borrows from me and i can't say no.  i can never say no.  i don't have much but if i can help someone i do it.  it's a bad habit inheirited from my gramma.  

 if i was meaner people would remember they owed me money. they would pay me.  but if i was meaner, people wouldn't borrow money from me. 

i need to be meaner, not while todd's here though. he likes me nice.